“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” — Joseph Campbell.
Before I could start, I had to figure it all out and make it perfect. I wanted to know who I was, who I wanted to be, what I wanted, and exactly what it would all look like—the life I would have—or so I thought.
I believed that once I got clear, I’d finally be able to move forward. So I waited, and waited…waiting until I had every bit “figured out”, so I thought and thought. Time passed, year by year.
I believed that once I got clear, I’d finally be able to move forward, so I waited. I read the books, listened to the podcasts, took the personality tests, and journaled.
And still, the ache remained.
Action Comes First – The Waiting For Clarity at 2 AM Truth
It was the quiet, soul-deep restlessness that whispered, “Something needs to change… but what? And who are you anymore, besides a mom and wife?”
It was 2:47 AM when I found myself lying awake, staring at the ceiling while the house slept soundly around me. But sleep wouldn’t come, but the slow trickle of tears did—because the questions wouldn’t stop.
Who am I anymore? When did I become just Mom, Wife, the one who keeps everyone else’s life running smoothly?
I reached for my phone and typed into Google: “how to find yourself again after years of motherhood.” The search results stared back at me like they held some magic answer. But as I scrolled through articles about “finding your passion” and “discovering your purpose,” something hit me like a lightning bolt:
This wasn’t just restlessness. This was grief.
Grief for the woman I used to be. Grief for dreams I’d forgotten I had.
Grief for the years I spent as the supporting character in my own life. Grief for the quiet, persistent voice inside that I’d learned to ignore. Grief for the woman I’d buried beneath the roles.
And, because at that time at night when you’re tired and sad, being a bit dramatic seems to come easy, I thought, “Yep, buried, buried six feet under, dead, gone, and buried forever. I will never be fully alive again!”
That night didn’t give me answers. But it gave me something more important: the courage to stop waiting for them.
“Yep, buried, buried six feet under, dead, gone, and buried forever. I will never be fully alive again!”
The Clarity Myth That’s Keeping You Stuck
If you’re reading this, you probably understand the ache, too.
The busyness, but feeling disconnected, as though something is missing, or off. The intense sense of gratefulness when you think about the life you’ve built, but the numbness when you think about yourself. Being surrounded, but feeling lonely. Moving, but going nowhere.
You tell yourself:
“I love my family…But, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I’ve checked all the boxes – so why do I feel so empty?”
“I’m scared to admit it, but I want something more – I just don’t know what that means, or looks like.”
And, chances are, you’ve been caught in the same trap I was: believing that clarity comes first, action comes second.
You say, “If I could just figure out what I want…If I knew who I really am…Once I have a clear vision, then I can start…”
But what if that belief is backwards?
These kinds of hidden beliefs are more common than you think. I break down the biggest ones in 4 Myths That Hold Us Back—and how to replace them with truth that frees you to move forward.
Here’s what years of research—and hundreds of conversations with women just like us—have taught me: Clarity doesn’t lead to action. Action comes first and creates clarity.
Action Comes First If You Don’t Want To Put Your Life On Hold
The truth is: action comes first, clarity comes second, not the other way around.
This isn’t just motivational fluff—it’s backed by brain science, psychology, and spiritual wisdom.
A 2023 study in the Journal of Women’s Health found that midlife women spend an average of 2.5 years feeling “stuck” before making changes they later call transformative.
That’s over 900 days of waiting. 900 days of analysis paralysis. 900 days of putting life on hold while searching for perfect understanding.
The truth? The longer we wait for clarity, the more paralyzed we become.
Our brains actually need movement to create new neural pathways. Without action, we’re just spinning our wheels in the same mental ruts.
Action Comes First: The Headlight Principle
Think about the last time you drove down a dark country road at night. Your headlights only illuminate about 100 feet ahead. You can’t see your destination. You can’t see the whole journey. But you don’t stop the car and wait for daylight, do you?
You keep driving, trusting that the path will reveal itself as long as you move forward.
That’s how clarity works. You don’t need to know exactly where you’re going—only where to step next. And, this is precisely how life transformation works.
Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology confirms that taking action activates the brain’s decision-making centers, allowing for greater confidence and insight.
Action Came First: I Found My Inner Voice
I learned this the hard way. After that sleepless night, I made the tiniest change instead of waiting for some grand epiphany: I turned off the radio during my morning commute.
That silence? It gave space for my inner voice—the one I’d been drowning out with podcasts, audiobooks, and constant noise.
That voice led to journaling, which led to me taking a few minutes a day for myself, which led to honest conversations, which led to the courage to say no, which led to space for things that truly mattered.
All of that led me to start my own company, create Your Utmost Method, start a podcast, and so much more.
One tiny action. A thousand ripple effects.
Action Comes First: Your Brain Is Wired for Action, Not Analysis
Harvard researcher Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar discovered something fascinating: Major life changes rarely begin with master plans. Instead, they start with what he calls “hunch following”—taking action on what feels right, then adjusting based on the feedback life gives you.
When we act, our brain’s decision-making regions light up, and confidence circuits activate. We literally change our brain chemistry by moving forward, even when we don’t know exactly where we’re going.
However, when we wait? When we overanalyze, overthink, plan, and research, our anxiety centers go into overdrive. We get more stuck, not less.
This was hard for me. I believed that I had to be perfect, that everything I did had to be perfect. I wanted to do my best and get it right the first time.
However, I realized that belief was keeping me from moving forward, which, funny enough, was causing me to feel like I was failing—not getting it right, not doing well enough.
You don’t get clear by standing still. You get clear by moving forward.
Action Comes First: The Four Small Steps That Break the Cycle
If you feel stuck, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you’re waiting when it’s actually time to begin.
If you’re ready to stop waiting and start living, here’s where to begin:
Step 1: Name the Misalignment
What part of your life feels the most heavy, disconnected, or restless?
Ask yourself: “Where do I feel most disconnected from who I really am?”
Don’t overthink this. The first area that comes to mind is usually the right place to start. Maybe it’s:
- Always saying yes when you want to say no
- Wearing clothes that don’t feel like you anymore
- Shrinking in conversations to keep the peace
- Putting everyone’s needs before your own
Trust the first answer that surfaces.
Step 2: Imagine One Micro-Shift
What would a small, meaningful change look like in that area?
Not a life overhaul. Not a dramatic change. Just one small thing that honors your truth.
Could be:
- Taking your coffee to drink slowly outside alone for 10 minutes
- Texting that friend you’ve been meaning to reconnect with
- Decluttering one drawer
- Saying no without apologizing?
- Writing three thoughts in a journal before bed
- Wearing the jeans that feel like you—not the ones that “should” fit?
- Saying “I need to think about it” instead of automatically agreeing
Step 3: Take One Aligned Action.
A movement that says, “I’m listening. I matter.”
Find ten small, simple actions that might put a smile on your face.
Step 4: Notice, Don’t Judge
Pay attention to how that small action feels. What shifts? What resistance comes up? What becomes clearer?
This isn’t about getting it right. It’s about gathering information. Every action teaches you something about who you are and what you need.
The Woman Waiting Inside You Is Asking You To Take Action First
Here’s what I’ve learned after all these years:
You’re not lost. You’re not broken. You’re not too late.
There’s a woman inside you who remembers. She remembers what it feels like to trust your own voice. She remembers the dreams you had before “responsible” became your middle name. She remembers the joy of choosing something just because it feels right.
She’s been waiting patiently. Not for perfect clarity. Just for permission to begin.
This Isn’t The End
Imagine this:
- You stop waiting for clarity.
- You stop trying to plan every detail of your future.
You take one small, wholehearted, courageous step.
Suddenly, your life feels like yours again. You begin to hear your voice.
You reconnect with your desires.
You begin to trust your instincts—not because you have it all figured out, but because you’re finally listening.
The richest life isn’t found in certainty. It’s found in the motion.
Your Wild and Precious Life Starts Now
Mary Oliver once asked, “Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Notice she didn’t ask what you’ve figured out. She asked what you plan to do. Living is the point, and moving is the discovery.
Not once you have it mapped all out, but today! One brave move at a time.
Your most fulfilling life isn’t found in perfect plans. It’s discovered in motion—the unexpected detours, the spontaneous yes moments, the brave nos that make space for what truly matters.
Because clarity won’t strike like lightning.
It will unfold like a sunrise. And in that slow return of light, you’ll find her.
You’ll find you.
If you’re reading this at 2 AM, during stolen moments while coffee brews, or in the quiet space between obligations, this is your invitation to stop waiting.
You don’t need the whole map. Just the courage to take one step.
Start Your First Small Step Before You Go…
If you’re ready to begin, I invite you to start here with this tiny action, which will lead you to more clarity – and activate confidence circuits.
Download my free Alignment Check-in Guide. It’s a simple tool that helps you identify what feels misaligned and discover your next right step—without pressure to figure it all out.
Think of it as your headlights for the journey ahead. You don’t need to see everything—just enough to begin.
Because clarity isn’t something you find.
It’s something you create.
One brave, aligned step at a time.
Ready to stop waiting and start becoming? Download your free Alignment Check-In here and take the first step toward the woman you’re meant to be.
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you.” — Paulo Coelho
